Thursday, March 15, 2012

Bored at 4 am

This is just a exercise in reviewing, figured id give it a shot in between essays. I don't think I did to bad so I might fiddle around with the format again.

In a spark of brilliance I downloaded Batgirl #7 off Comixology, I paid a whole $3. Yeah $3. Fuck. People really pay $3 on a regular basis for this comic? Jesus. I watched an old episode of Real Hookers of the AC (that's Atlantic City for you folks not in the know) a few years back, and a toothless "lady of the night" promised the best hummer of your life for a twenty spot. By the end of the episode she agreed to give one to what appeared to be a sixteen year old, for $10 so she could pick up a pack of smokes. So there was definitely room to negotiate. I don't know where this is going, but it's definitely an important digression. Oh yeah, comics are expensive.

Onto the comic. Three dollars man that still bugs me. Page One: Batgirl is thrust headfirst into a pool of water, slowly being drowned by The Grotesque! This looks like the end of Batgirl my good friends, and whats that? Her chilling last thoughts, no it could never be! Its, its a shit joke...or a sewage runoff joke, either way good job to everyone involved. Batgirl in a spark of brilliance then does something and the villain heads home for some reason. Maybe he's Union and his mandatory smoke break started. I don't know, its not explained.

Barbara then power knocks the living shit out of Black Canary's window to go do some extreme training and gab talk. Or "Bab Talk" your you LOVE puns. I hate myself. See, Batgirl just doesn't feel up to snuff anymore and she cant figure out why, but Black Canary's wonderful insight finds the culprit in no time! Its that whole "i was crippled 3 years ago, but now I'm not" thing. A quick slap across the face (as the ladies are known to do) and speech containing the inspirational words "AND ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO COMPLAIN THAT YOU CAN WALK AGAIN? YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER REGAINED MOBILITY?" whips her back into shape.

Some quick scene with the villain, a party, something about a bottle of wine, and a cliffhanger about some guy who was with the Joker the night Alan Moore caped her ass, and FIN.

 "All Killer No Filler", in this issue.
This comic is really mediocre, bordering on bad. Simone undercuts the book at every turn, creating a tonal mess and muddled narrative. The villain, even when he has the upper hand, walks away mid fight on two separate occasions for no reason. If that's not lazy writing, I don't know what is. Moments of seriousness (her impending death due to drowning) and inspiration (coming to grips with her past/present/mother/crippling/etc) are rendered moot within pages by instantaneous character regression and inappropriate (tonally, not subject wise) jokes. It reads like a book written by five authors. With a sixth author giving it a final pass to play up the yucks!

The art...exists? Its low rent house style. Part Jim Lee /Part you have 3 days to finish this book or else. Or else what? or else ill kill your fucking family your piece of shit. What was i talking about? oh yeah this looks rushed, in the sense that it looks like shit. That's probably why theirs two pencilers on this issue. The colors are inconsistent between panels, backgrounds change color at random, and light sources appear and disappear for no reason. When ever you see the work of Dean White and Dave Stewart you should thank your lucky stars these men exist to prove someone knows how color works.* Because this comic is an exercise in why I cant read more than one comic at a time, without my eyes bleeding.

Seriously look how many light sources are on this page? Its lit up like a Christmas Tree at this party. Adding more lamps doesn't make your lens flares and random over rendering make sense. It only hurts my eyes. I would also like to point out in the above image, the two men in the foreground of Panel one seem to suffer from a broken elbow and a broken left index finger.

*Or Laura Allred if you need a lady example.

Batgirl #7
Written By: Gail Simone
Pencils By: Ardian Syaf & Alitha Martinez
Inks By: Vincente Cifuentes
Colors By: Ulises Arreola

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